I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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