We're facebook friends in real life
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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