well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
