This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
