thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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