just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
