I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
