I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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