you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
