I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
