How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
