ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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