she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just blew my weed a kiss
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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