I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
