just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
