My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
