You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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