question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
