Christians are straight up FREAKS
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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