Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
