i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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