I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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