i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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