I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
