Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
