Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
