i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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