She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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