i permit you to call me
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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