i was rollin on her like bob the builder
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
