you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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