it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
