The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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