By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
