i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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