Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
