I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
