so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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