Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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