I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I CAN MOONWALK!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
