I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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