Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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