I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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