I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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