Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
