he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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