I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
