i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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