I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
