I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
