is your mom at the bar?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
